I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
