lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
