sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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