Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize