Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
