how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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