So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
