He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
