ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
