his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
