I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
