i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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