I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Can I color on your dick again?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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