i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
