She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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