Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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