My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
