I'm jealous of your bromance
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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