I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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