my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
