Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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