i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
