I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
