just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
