Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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