The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
