just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
