I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
