Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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