I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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