Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
