Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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