Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
