Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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