Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
