You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
