I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
