i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
