My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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