I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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