Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
