when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I love you.
Bad choice
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