i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
