don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
