I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
