We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
