I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
