my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
True strength comes from lack of pants
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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