So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
