the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
