yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
