I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
