I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
