I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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