Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
