Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
