it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
