dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
