I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
