I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
