over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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