did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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