So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
