Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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