Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
