we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
