new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
