I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
