Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
