YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
