I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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