a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
