quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
