she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize