Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
