I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
