I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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